« Home | Traveling Within An Unassuming Natural Beauty » | Online Learning Works for Corporate Training » | Will & Grace (Season 1) DVD Review » | Alternative Health Medicine: Find What You Need » | The Beauty of an Opal Bracelet » 

Thursday, November 8, 2007 

How Men And Women Try To Trick Each Other

What is the most infamous male stereotype when it comes to dating? Certainly the one about men trying every trick in the book to get a woman to sleep with him has to head the list. No need to elaborate. There are plenty of web sites that I can refer all yall to (regardless of gender) if you want to see how that works. As we touched upon in the last newsletter, there are plenty of pick-up artists specializing in helping men tune up their trickery.

The truth is, however, that men dont necessarily have the market cornered when it comes to keeping their intentions under the table. Women are quite capable of their fair share. My belief is that the most common brand of dating trickery proffered by women tends to fly under the radar a bit easier, however, and therefore is hardly ever (if at all) called out. Since women are a bit more subtle about all of this, Im going to focus the majority of this newsletter on understanding their side of the equation. After all, male trickery is altogether too obviouswhich continues to cause me sheer amazement at how often women fall for it.

So what about the women? What do I mean?

Here it is. Just like men try to trick women into sleeping with them way too early in the relationship, women tend to try to trick men into exclusive commitment way to early.

Its absolutely true.

And a woman has the ability to equip herself with a formidable set of tools when it comes to this stuff. Just like a woman can find herself in a mans bed and wonder how she got there, a man can very easily find himself in an exclusive relationship he may not have been ready for, and with a woman who may not even have been his first choice!

How does she do this? Here are some examples of the tactics involved:

1) The Ultimatum

This is the most objective approach. If a woman knows the man is interested, she will simply level an ultimatum. This may happen as soon as the woman realizes the man wants her sexually. In this case, the woman pulls every option off the table other than committing to her or walking away. This is unfair, of course, because it plays on a mans physical attraction in order to drive emotional involvement.

2) Extended Planning

Shell buy tickets for a concert thats a month away. Shell invite him to join her for some killer party thats a few weeks (or months?) off. If she can get him to make some financial buy in (e.g. ticket price, renting a tux, etc.) then hell be more likely to stay around. In fact, the concept of commitment based on financial involvement is a well-known marketing principle. Here, as in so many facets of dating, sales tactics translate directly into relationship strategy. Watch for a future newsletter (or how about a podcast?) on that one.

3) Common Secondary Commitments

This is something like Extended Planning, but with a subtle difference. Here we are talking about ongoing partnerships rather than one-time events. She may sign them both up for six weeks of salsa lessons. They may join a dinner party group with other couples knowing that it would be a major embarrassment to have to sever ties in the event of a breakup. If shes really astute, shell buy them season tickets for his favorite teamnice.

4) Marking Territory

As soon as a man invites a woman into his private domain, he opens himself up to the female ritual of territory marking. If shes hanging out at his house and riding in his car, bear in mind the possibility that she may be interested in staking her claim to those places vis--vis other women in his life. Most of us know about the perfume on the pillow trick, where a woman sprays her perfume on a guys pillow so he can think of her when hes sleeping. But thats just one of a myriad of ways that a woman can make it improbable, if not impossible, that another woman would feel comfortable in his home or car.

She can leave a change of clothes on his dresser, just in case. She can change shoes in his car and accidentally leave them behind the passengers seat in the back. She can smear makeup in places he may not notice but another woman would be sure to. She can brush her hair in the bathroom, all but making sure strands of her hair land in places where other women might notice it. And my all time favoriteshe might forget and leave her earrings on the end table in the living room (or some other place youll never see until the next time guests are over).

Whatever happens, you can be sure if its done right most guys will be potentially horrified to invite other women over (although they shouldnt be, which is the topic of some other future newsletter).

5) Key Introductions

He is introduced to all of her friends. He may even meet her parents, feeling like hes suffered whiplash given how sudden it was. She may even, if shes mastered the tactic, proactively seek to make friends with his friends. This is a particularly powerful approach that, if successful, means she has all but inextricably woven herself into his life. And if he ever tries to break up with her, imagine the effect of his own friends calling him to tell him how wrong he is. Out of hand.

6) Gifts

She may buy a guy something nice. Depending upon the limits of her personal resources, we may be talking about something really nice. Guys famously tend to use this tactic on women, thinking that they can buy their way into a womans heart. Well, when a guy does something like this it generally backfires. Some women are creeped out by it, some women refuse nice gifts seeing potential ulterior motives behind them, and others simply take the gifts and offer only a thank you in return.

The interesting part, however, is that a woman who knows how men think with regard to this process can capitalize upon it to drive commitment from a man. Think about ita man attempts to barrage a woman with gifts because he thinks it will help earn her affections. Why does he think like this? Simple. Because it would work on him. If a woman realizes this, she knows she has an angle with which she can get him to commit.

The problem is that although gift-giving works on a man, its not for the expected reason. Rather than driving a warm-fuzzy nesting reflex, it just flat-out makes him feel guilty if he dumps her after getting such cool stuff from her.

So whats the common thread here? Not surprisingly, the end result is likely to be the same for tricksters of both the male and female persuasion. In either case, if the end goal is reached its nothing more than an empty, Pyrrhic victory.

The moral to this story? Save the tricks, be up-front, take things at a mutually-acceptable paceand have a symmetrical relationship based on depth rather than guilt or pressure.

Copyright 2006 X & Y Communications

Want to hear more? Scot McKay is a dating coach in San Antonio, TX and founder of X & Y Communications, a one-stop-shop for dating resources. He is the author of the new book Deserve What You Want, and hosts the popular podcast series X & Y On The Fly. He may be reached at scot *at* xandycommunications.net or on the Web at http://www.dating-advice.us/ and http://www.romantic-dinner.com/ . The podcast series is available free of charge at http://feeds.feedburner.com/xyonthefly.Widescreen Televisions Uk
Insurance Malpractice Nationwide Nurse
North Face Hiking Shoes
Buffet Newport
By Madden Shoes Steve Steven
1 Day Design Spa
Criminal Contempt
10 Brain Brain Exercise Logic Mind Minute Puzzle Test Tip Training Workout
06 Costume Halloween Hot
Job Marketing Representative Sales
Driving America
Simple Living Magazine
Cerebral Palsy In Infant
Maplewood Mall Minnesota
025 Gold Jewelry Large Manatee
Chocolate Lab Puppies
Job Manager Medical Office
Benefit Healthy Lifestyle Living
Top Drug Rehabilitation Centers
Arts Chicago Entertainment February
02 Mobiles
Airline Cheap City Mexico Ticket
Er Tv
Lanair Waste Oil Heater
10 Change Exercise Fitness Guide Kathy Life Makeover Nutrition Smith That Week Will
Agency Dating Online Uk
Flight From Singapore To Hong Kong
A New Pair Of Glasses
1 Air Force Nike Shoes
Fur Trim Boot
0 Db
Angell Conwell
Costume Party Wedding
Craftsman Snow
Express Holiday Inn Pensacola
1 Air Force Nike Shoes Womens
Fishing Mail Box
Acne Cure Pimples
Making Chocolate Candy
Belly Dance Scarf
Marco Contractors
Bag Camouflage Diaper Pink
Of Rock School
Casio Ctk 496
Chocolate Chip Scones Recipe
Atv Chain Snow
1 1
Airline Approved Pet Carrier
000 Based Business Home Start
Rope Skipping
Baby Monitor Review
The Vault Long Beach Ca
Female Genital Massages
Fruit Hawaiian Recipe Salad
International Projects
Indianapolis Hotel With Hot Tub
Swimsuits For Men
06 Christmas Family Gift Gift Lake Salt Show
Universal Principles
Accessory Boat Pearson Sail
Duck Blind Construction
Crystal Experiment Growing
Baseball Cap In Man Old
Ballistics Software
1 800 Yellow Pages
Anniversary Comment Happy Myspace
Star Trek 25th Anniversary
New Construction Illinois
Earth Picture Satellite
Picture Of Christmas In France
School Stats Violence
10 Best Place To Retire
Global Warming News
Carpet Glue
1 Code Friend List Myspace Top
Virginia High School Football Record
Psychic
Real12
Hoosier Times
2004 Beach Bike Myrtle Week
Arizona Day In Spa
Airline Flight Schedule Spirit
Funny Retirement Card
Regal Angel Fish
Equipment Table Tennis
Tennis
Hp 850 Digital Camera
1000 Calorie A Day Vegetarian Diet
Real20
Obituary Miami Florida
Children Educational Toys
Shoes
Bed Mattress
Basketball Georgia Team
Curious George Party Supply
Southeastern North Carolina Real Estate
Taylor Made Golf Bag
Read2
Hair Thinning Comb
Aaa Automobile Club
05 Football
1 1 1 2bshack 417 Radio Top
Roof Curbs
Bounty Com Dog E Hunter
1 3 Adjustable Mortgage Rate
Business Engine Marketing Search
Natural Gas Heaters
0336 679 800 Number Phone
Finance Planning Retirement Services
Abc News Tonight World
Dishnetwork Satellite
Converting Avi To Mpg
Com Ethio Ethiopia
Villa Vacation Rental Puerto Rico
30gb Ipod Ipod Ipod Ma446ll Ma446lla Video
Cool Trucks
Holiday Photo Thanksgiving
Do It Yourself Baby Shower Party Favor
Foot Spa Product
Inn Village Yellowstone
Magazine Man Subscription
06 Boat June Trip
2 Brokeback Fur Mountain Trader
Fl Mortgage Refinance
27 Akai Lcd Tv
Cheap Supplement
Kona Chaise Lounge
Accurate Telephone Psychics
Michael Graves Games
Home Entertainment Magazine
Oil Pastel Technique Drawing
1 Year Wedding Anniversary Gift
Japan Clubbing
Ms En Crm
Womens Military Boot
Tennessee Limousine
Attorney Austin Malignant Mesothelioma Symptom
Contractor Heating Supply
Fish Gold Screensaver
Pool And Spa Show Las Vegas
France Normandy Travel
Self Certify
06 10 21 Chef From Home Recipe Show Take
Car Hampshire Lebanon New Used
Mxpx Discography
Gabriel Peter
Mermaid Costume Pattern
Bottle Package Perfume Wholesale
0 Apr On Cash Advance
Albatron Kx400 Pro
16075 Fitness Health Spa
San Diego Apartment Guide
Chamber Dictionary History World
Florida Youth Soccer Association
Spa Party Game
Bike Low Rider Shop
Affiliate Business Carpet Cleaning Opportunity
1a Texas Football
Plow Snow Truck Used
1 Law Order Season Svu
Newspapers Florida March 2007 Ian Obituaries
1975 Breakfast Club
1901 West Condominiums
06 Mustang Gt
Camping Hiking Supply
1 Aarp Health Insurance
Black Dress House Market White
Doll Dress Sexy Up
Equity Home Loan Mobile
10 Things I Hate About You Poem
007 Tomorrow Never Dies
Hyatt Hotel Huntington Beach Ca
Aeroplan American Express
Santa Barbara California Bed Breakfast
Rose Of Sharon Flower Picture
Luxury Villa In Mexico
1 Air Force Gucci Shoes
World Trade Center Association
Caribbean Life Sailing
Sell My Time Share Now
Sydney Airport
007 Films
Hollywood Diet Pill
Florida Outstanding Warrants
Apartment Decorating Furniture Studio
Timeshare
Archive Music
100 Top
Marine Repair
Said Taghmaoui
Free J Lo Perfume Sample
Perfect Keylogger Download
Glasses
Car Comparison In Insurance London Rate
Kid Water Shoes
Acne Cystic Remedy
Black Entertainment Star
Medical Malpractice Insurance Law
Cf Farms
A First Course In Probability
1 Apple Gb Ipod Mp3 Nano Player
Transfer Money Abroad
100 100 America America Best Best Place Place Retire Retire
Polar Bears And Global Warming
Chinese Recipe Sauce Sour Sweet
Tiffin Allegro Motor Home
Nutrition Vegetarian
Quick Weight Loss Center
80s Costume Dress Fancy
Toddler Band T Shirt
Coffee Press Tea
Plain Tea White
Hoodia Loss Month Patch Weight
2 Book Discover Dvd Pilates Set Yoga
Christmas Bubble Light
Texas State Flower
Aero Services
Flower Delivery Spring
Basket Bed Breakfast Gift In
Philippine Costume Rental
Hawaii Time Share Exchange
03 01
Crystal
Contractor Highway Paving Surfacing
Republic National Bank Of New York
06 Aug Boat Trip
Del Conte
Channel Live Tv
0 Gauge Power Wire
1 518
Aerobic Septic Systems
Insurance Companies In The Philippines
Cranberry Dessert Ingredient
Why High Gasoline Prices
Eagles Band
Cooking Salmon Fillets
1 Fishing Gear Hook Kayak
Fast Food Restaurant Sale
1 Affordable California Health Insurance Plan
Most Common Sports Injury
Rca Dlp Replacement Lamp
Kitchen Play Retro
Association Of Health Care Professional
Birds
Wood Armfield Furniture
Portland Youth Soccer Association
Life37
Central Hotel Prague
Truck
Washington Holocaust Museum
Bad Credit Mortgage Loan Lender
Marketing
Party Place Store
Construction Scheduling Software
Latin Dance Video
Land For Sale In San Antonio Texas
Festival Sea
Dog The Bounty Hunter Biography
Seminole Power Sports
Career
California Easy Foghorn Hiking In Outdoors Southern
Spa
Martin Mtv Ricky Unplugged
No Bake Dessert Recipe
Gas
Baseball
100 Can Course Golf Magazine Play Top
1 800 Contacts Coupon Code
Build Free Kid Site Web
0a Business Free Home Opportunity Work
Shopping Wholesales
Holidays
Holidays
Driving France Map
Baskin Cake Cream Ice Recipe Robbins
Sports Authority Florida
Pittsburgh Life Science Green House
Life40
How Big Is A Soccer Field
Black Hole Entertainment
Christmas Shopping For Kid
Angeles Club Dance Hollywood Los
Pets International
Beaches
Isotoner Man Driving Gloves
Aubergine Night Club San Diego
Dolce Gabbana Perfume For Woman
New Orleans Cemeteries
1 Peter
Entertainment
04 Airline Deal Travel
Anxiety Attack Panic Phobia
12 Chest Compartment Tea Wooden
The Definition Of Global Warming
Psychic
Extrasensory Perception Test Windirvariable C Windows
Concert Ticket Broker Los Angeles
Ice Cream Franchise For Sale
4a Texas Football
Village Inn Pizza
02149 Everett Girl In Soccer Team
Highways Agency Uk
Mouse Function
School
Charter Party Bus
Spirit Halloween Costume
Diesel Wish Shoes
Christmas Tree Hill
Unsecured Student Credit Card
Guinea Africa
Oil
Sports Opinion
Life Living Magical Wheel Year
Free Bug Bunny Cartoon Download
Fitness Health Loss Man Weight Womens
Sports Box Score
007 Theme
0 Auto Financing
10 Mtv Music Top Video
Car Stereo Store
Life18
Virgo And Taurus
Chaise
Alaska Flower Order Wedding
Ucla Neurosurgery
Bellingham Ferry
Skiing Holidays In Andorra
Belly Dance Shakira
Beach Newport Office Services Virtual
Themeetingpoint Ie
Center Job Music
Cafe
Florida Golf Vacations